How can I communicate with people freely when I am ＂socially fearful＂

Letter from youth

　　The second letter: The word "social fear" is often jokingly mentioned by students, but I am distressed because I am a veritable "social fear". For example, I always hide from the group activities at school. At the last class reunion, I obviously wanted to enhance my feelings with my classmates, but I was terrified at the thought of communicating and interacting in front of everyone, and finally I made an excuse not to go. In class, even if I know the answer, I seldom raise my hand to speak, for fear that I will be laughed at by my classmates if I make a mistake.

　　I have seriously reflected on it and think it may be influenced by social media. In the online world, I can easily show my beautiful side, and at the same time I can see the life carefully built by some people. But in real life, in the face of real social scenes, I will shrink back because I am afraid that my performance is not perfect.

　　I especially want to get rid of this "social fear" state, be able to associate with people freely and actively participate in various activities, but I don’t know where to start. Can you give me some suggestions?

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　　Create a more inclusive and supportive environment for young people.

　　 Zhang Yingjun (Teacher, Mental Health Education and Consultation Center, Beijing Normal University)

　　Judging from the description of this classmate’s letter, "social fear" has become an important label for him to describe his social psychology. Moreover, some young people laugh at themselves and humorously reflect their embarrassing and evasive behavior in social interaction.

　　Social phobia disorder, also known as Social Anxiety Disorder, is manifested as a psychological state of intense fear and anxiety about social occasions or public performance. Patients are often worried about making a fool of themselves in front of others, being judged or laughed at, so they avoid social activities or show obvious anxiety in social situations. According to a survey, as many as 40% of young people said that they have different degrees of "social phobia", among which the proportion of women is slightly higher than that of men. However, it is worth noting that not all young people who call themselves "social phobia" meet the clinical diagnostic criteria of social phobia, and they may just show a tendency of social avoidance or anxiety.

　　On a global scale, this kind of mood and state of avoiding social interaction is common among young people, which affects their interpersonal relationship, reduces social support, increases loneliness, and the risk of emotional problems such as depression and anxiety, and may have a negative impact on social function and quality of life.

　　So, what caused the "social fear" of young people?

　　First of all, family environment and social pressure are the deep-seated reasons for young people’s social fear. Family environment has a profound influence on young people’s social ability. Kohut, a psychologist, believes that parents’ lack of mirror reflection and recognition in their interaction with their children (parents need to respond appropriately to their children’s values, achievements and achievements like mirrors-editor’s note) leads to children’s lack of healthy narcissism (self-confidence) and fear of others’ evaluation, which is the root cause of "social fear". Parents’ expectations, family education atmosphere and childhood experience may all be important factors affecting young people’s social psychology. For example, children who have been denied by their parents for a long time may lack independence and self-confidence, and are more likely to feel uneasy and anxious in social situations. The competition in modern society is fierce, and young people are facing enormous economic pressure and career challenges. These external pressures not only affect their quality of life, but also aggravate their social anxiety to some extent. In social situations, they may be worried that their performance does not meet the expectations or standards of others, so they choose to avoid it.

　　Secondly, the lack of self-efficacy and negative self-evaluation are the direct reasons for young people’s "social fear". Self-efficacy refers to an individual’s confidence level in completing a task or coping with a certain situation. In social situations, many young people lack self-confidence and are afraid that they can’t cope with others’ eyes and comments. At the same time, negative self-evaluation also plays an important role in the emergence of young people’s "social fear". They often criticize their appearance, words and deeds excessively, thinking that they are not perfect and prone to make mistakes, which affects their self-esteem and makes them feel more nervous and uneasy in social situations.

　　Thirdly, social media and virtual socialization are external factors that aggravate young people’s "social fear". With the popularity of the Internet and the rise of virtual social media, the way people communicate has undergone earth-shaking changes. Although social media provides convenient communication channels, it also weakens the ability of face-to-face communication. Many young people are addicted to the virtual social world, but ignore the cultivation of social skills in reality. This phenomenon is called "otaku culture", that is, people prefer to stay at home and communicate with others through electronic devices instead of going out to participate in social activities in real life. Information overload and algorithm recommendation on social media may also lead to self-doubt and anxiety among young people. They may feel inferior and uneasy because their appearance, talent or social skills are not as good as others. At the same time, the negative information on social media may also aggravate the social pressure of young people, making them more nervous and anxious when facing social occasions.

　　How to deal with the social fear of young people?

　　First of all, society should create an inclusive and supportive environment. The society should establish a diversified value evaluation system to help parents reduce anxiety, recognize their children more, and enhance their self-confidence and self-efficacy. Family members should give young people enough care and support, encourage them to actively participate in social activities, and provide necessary help and guidance. When young people encounter social difficulties, family members should give positive feedback and suggestions to help them establish correct coping strategies and mentality. At the same time, young people should also actively reflect on the influence of society and family, build a healthy system of values and self-evaluation, actively interact with family and others, increase connections and establish a social support system.

　　Secondly, young people should establish positive self-awareness. Cognitive reconstruction is an effective way to help social terrorists identify and change negative thinking patterns and behavior habits. For young people, establishing positive self-awareness is the first step to overcome "social fear". They need to learn to accept their imperfections and shortcomings and stop being harsh and critical of themselves. At the same time, they should also learn to look at the evaluation of themselves and others with a positive eye, and not care too much about the opinions and attitudes of others. Positive self-suggestion can help them enhance their self-confidence and coping ability, thus reducing social anxiety. For example, positive psychological hints such as "I can cope with this social occasion" and "I have my own advantages and strengths".

　　Thirdly, young people should improve their social skills. Social skills training is one of the effective means to overcome social phobia. It can help young people improve their social skills and self-confidence and better cope with the challenges in social situations. Young people can actively participate in various social activities, such as interest groups, community activities, volunteer activities and so on. These activities can not only provide more social opportunities, but also help them build positive social experiences and interpersonal relationships. In the process of participating in activities, young people can gradually learn social skills such as how to establish contact with others, how to express their views and feelings, and how to deal with conflicts and differences.

　　In addition, young people should also pay attention to improving their physical and psychological qualities. A healthy lifestyle plays an important role in alleviating "social fear". Regular work and rest, healthy diet and moderate exercise can improve physical fitness, enhance psychological endurance, and help release stress and relieve anxiety. At the same time, young people can also try some relaxation training, such as deep breathing and meditation.

　　Social fear is not an insurmountable obstacle. Society, families and individuals should work together to create a more inclusive and supportive environment for young people and help them grow up healthily. By redefining their own value system, reconstructing negative self-cognition, training social skills and maintaining a healthy lifestyle, young people can gradually cope with social fears and enjoy the fun and sense of accomplishment brought by social interaction. In this process, the uniqueness of each young person needs to be understood and respected. Young people bravely face social challenges and pursue their own happiness and happiness also need support, encouragement and blessing.

　　"Letter from Youth" E-mail: qnsxyjb@163.com, welcome to write.